Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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