The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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