I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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