i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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