i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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