i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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