Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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