I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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