What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize