I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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