i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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