I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize