Can i not drive my cunt home
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize