You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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