The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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