I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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