I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Enjoy the penises
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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