ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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