I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize