mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize