Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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