Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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