Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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