I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize