Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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