Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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