my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize