You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
high people should be assigned attendants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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