yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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