Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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