mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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