You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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