you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize