you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize