So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I FOUND THE LEGS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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