Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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