Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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