i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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