my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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