filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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