JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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