her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize