How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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