If that was your dad, he is hot
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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