I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize