Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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