Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize