I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize