mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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