dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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